


Cultivation

by tethrasing



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Getting to Know Each Other, Light Angst, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Mage/Templar Conflict, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 15:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17246675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tethrasing/pseuds/tethrasing
Summary: Cerys Trevelyan tries to get to know the Commander better. It doesn't go well, until it does.





	Cultivation

Cerys moved through the large double doors encasing Haven and out onto the training grounds as the swirling breach cast an eerie green glow on the fresh snow. The loud ringing of clashing swords did nothing to ease her already frayed nerves. In the Ostwick Circle, the templars had always trained outside, too far to hear but close enough to watch. The unfamiliar noise sounded violent to her ears and set her on edge.

 

On top of that, Cerys could sense a number of eyes following her as she moved. Some of the people here revered her. Some of them thought her a murderer. Others thought she should be watched simply because she was a mage. The absurdity of it all was enough to make her laugh – better to laugh about it than cry, she supposed.

 

In the midst of the training soldiers she spotted her target. Commander Cullen stood at least six inches taller than her and she could easily see him in his fur pauldron. She heard him barking orders to the men and women around him as she approached, his tone leaving no room for argument. She waited patiently for him to finish.

 

Both Varric and Cassandra had been encouraging her to get to know the Commander better. Cerys was a little uneasy at the prospect, especially considering what she knew about Kirkwall, but Cullen had been kind enough to her so far. She reminded herself for the tenth time that morning that not all templars were untrustworthy. Besides, Cullen was an ex-templar. Clearly he disagreed with them enough to leave the Order.

 

When the Commander lapsed into silence, Cerys moved into his line of sight. His features immediately softened and when he spoke, his tone was much gentler than before.

 

“Herald, it’s good to see you.”

 

Cerys took a steadying breath and reminded herself that she was Cullen’s peer. They were not mage and templar here.

 

“Good morning, Commander,” hesitating before she continued, “I would prefer you call me by my name when it’s just the two of us. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, Trevelyan will do.”

 

Cullen visibly hesitated for a moment.

 

“Trevelyan, then,” he said, “Forgive me. You said you disliked the title.”

 

“I’d be worried about anyone who wasn’t disconcerted by being called the Herald of Andraste” Cerys retorted, giving him a rueful smile.

 

Cullen returned the smile and Cerys noticed how the gesture softened his features, making him look younger.

 

“You traveled some distance to reach Haven,” Cullen continued, changing the subject, “Leliana mentioned that you’re from the Circle in Ostwick?”

 

“Why do you ask?” Cerys quickly replied without thinking, unable to keep the suspicion out of her voice.

 

“I didn’t-“ Cullen began before shaking his head, “I’m sorry. I only meant to make conversation. A poor choice of topic, given our past.”

 

Cerys felt the shame rise in her throat. Her mentors in the Circle had raised her better than to assume the worst of people.

 

“No, I…forgive me. And please excuse me.”

 

She quickly said her goodbyes before Cerys made her way back inside the walls of Haven. She sat down on a wooden crate, leaning heavily against the cabin wall it sat up against and burying her face in her hands.

 

She had only been stewing in silence for a few moments before she heard the telltale crunch of snow as someone approached her. Cerys heard a huff as the person knelt down on her right side.

 

“What do you want, Bull?” she asked without removing her hands.

 

“How’d you know it was me?” he replied, slightly amused.

 

Cerys dropped her hands and gave him a smile.

 

“I’d know your footsteps anywhere. The bracer gives you away.”

 

She left out the fact that she had trained herself from a young age to tell the templars in the Circle apart by their footsteps. He probably already knew. Bull appraised her with his one eye before gently laying a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Come on, you look like you could use a drink.”

 

“You know I don’t drink, Bull. Besides, it’s not even noon. Isn’t it a little early even for you?”

 

“Did I say we were drinking alcohol?” the Iron Bull replied, “We’re getting hot cocoa. Flissa’s got some stored away, but I think she’ll be willing to part with it for the Herald of Andraste.”

 

Cerys rolled her eyes at the title, but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her features. After a little more coaxing from Bull, she stood and walked with him to the tavern. The small space was emptier than she was used to seeing it and Sera wasn’t in her usual spot. Cerys hoped she wasn’t getting into too much trouble.

 

Bull sat her down at a table near the roaring fireplace and she waited while he went to the bar. She drew nonsensical patterns on the wood in front of her, trying to not to think about Cullen’s slightly wounded expression as she left him standing alone in the training yard.

 

She was broken out of her thoughts when Bull sat down across from her with two cups of hot chocolate. Cerys murmured her thanks as she accepted hers, enjoying the warmth seeping into her cold hands.

 

“So, you wanna talk about what happened with Cullen?” Bull asked conversationally.

 

Cerys sighed.

 

“Was it that obvious?”

 

“No. Spy, remember?” Bull replied with a wink, “I don’t think most people even noticed your quiet exit.”

 

“That’s comforting, I suppose.”

 

Cerys took a small sip of her hot chocolate. It was still a little hot for her taste, but she watched as Bull took a long drink. She wasn’t sure where to begin or how to explain to someone who had never lived in the Circle why she had trouble talking to Cullen. She looked down at her cup as she spoke.

 

“It’s…difficult to remember, after the way I’ve been treated by some templars, after the way the people close to me have been treated by some templars, to remember that not all templars are the enemy. I dislike the Templar Order. I think it’s abusive and corrupt. Perhaps it wasn’t always that way, but it certainly is now. But that doesn’t make all individual templars bad people.”

 

She glanced up at Bull and he nodded to show he was listening.

 

“But when I meet a templar for the first time, the safest reaction is caution, even fear. Because I don’t know if they’re a bad templar. And some templars pretend to be okay so they can hurt you later. I…I want to believe Cullen is a good man. He seems to be a good man. But I don’t _know_.”

 

Cerys took another sip of her hot chocolate.

 

“You’re afraid,” Bull said simply.

 

The truth of it struck a chord in her soul.

 

“Yes,” Cerys’ voice broke as she replied.

 

Cerys looked up and saw the understanding in Bull’s eye.

 

“I’m not afraid of Cullen as a person. I’m afraid of Cullen as an idea.”

 

They sat in silence for several moments.

 

“You want my advice?” Bull asked.

 

“Yeah, I could use it.”

 

“The best way to get rid of the fear of an idea is to make it real. Don’t let the _idea_ of Cullen take over the _person_ Cullen. Talk to him, I can even come with if you want. If you get to know him, the imaginary threat of Cullen will give way to the either real or not real threat of the person.”

 

Cerys mulled over Bull’s words. As difficult as it might be, his advice made sense.

 

“Thank you, Bull,” she replied, “I…you’re right. I’ll try.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was dark outside when Cerys made her way out onto the training grounds again. The soldiers were gone and it was blessedly quiet. The only sounds that accompanied her were the soft crunching of the snow underneath her feet and the distant hum of the breach in the sky.

 

Just as she expected, she found Commander Cullen leaning over a desk pressed up against the stone wall surrounding Haven. She shook her head, wondering if the man ever slept. A question for another time.

 

“Commander,” she called as she approached him.

 

He looked up from the papers in front of him, clearly surprised to see her.

 

“Trevelyan,” Cullen replied and Cerys couldn’t help the pleased sensation that spread throughout her chest at hearing her own name, “Was there something you needed?”

 

“I was hoping to borrow some of your time, if you can spare it.”

 

Cerys stopped when she reached the edge of the table. Cullen nodded at her and put the papers down on the table, securing them with a paperweight. Cerys took several steps towards him so she could see him better.

 

“I wanted to apologize for my poor manners earlier. You asked an innocuous question and I overreacted,” Cerys said.

 

Cullen shook his head.

 

“There’s no need to apologize. The Circle isn’t the most pleasant topic of conversation now. Or ever. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

 

“You were trying to get to know me. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Cerys said.

 

“I…well, I suppose you’re right,” Cullen replied, looking slightly bashful.

 

“Perhaps we could try again,” Cerys ventured with a smile, “I promise to be more polite this time.”

 

Cullen smiled back at her and she couldn’t help but stare at the crinkles around his eyes.

 

“You _are_ from Ostwick then?” he repeated.

 

“Yes. I spent most of my life in the Circle and never travelled outside of Ostwick until now. It’s…rather exhilarating. I’m enjoying experiencing Ferelden culture.”

 

Cullen raised a brow at her.

 

“What?” she asked.

 

“Most people look down on Ferelden culture. Actually, most people outside of Ferelden would tell you Fereldans don’t _have_ culture.”

 

Cerys scoffed.

 

“What do they know? I quite like Ferelden. The people are tough, hardworking, and love dogs. What’s not to like? I could do without all the mud, but the trees and mountains more than make up for it.”

 

She realized Cullen was smiling at her fondly.

 

“What?” she asked again.

 

“Nothing, it’s just…I think you like Ferelden more than some Fereldans do.”

 

Cerys giggled at that. A quiet moment passed between them.

 

“I’ve been trying to figure out where you’re from,” she told Cullen, “I know you came here from Kirkwall, but your accent tells me you’re not native. You’re not Fereldan, are you?”

 

“I am,” Cullen confirmed.

 

“Good thing I didn’t say anything bad about it, huh?”

 

Cullen chuckled.

 

“I wouldn’t have taken it personally. This is the first I’ve returned in nearly ten years. I was transferred to Kirkwall after the Blight.”

 

Cerys looked at him thoughtfully. She had so many questions she wanted to ask him, she wasn’t sure where to start. She settled on an easy one first.

 

“Were you promised to the Order? Or did you choose to join?”

 

“I chose to join. I could think of no better calling than to protect those in need,” Cullen replied earnestly.

 

Cerys felt a pang in her heart at his words. She had a similar streak of idealism and self-sacrifice in her blood and she hated to see such virtue corrupted by the Templar Order.

 

“I used to beg the templars at our local chantry to teach me,” Cullen continued, “At first, they merely humored me, but I must have showed promise. Or at least a willingness to learn. The Knight-Captain spoke to my parents on my behalf. They agreed to send me for training.”

 

“How old were you?” Cerys inquired.

 

“I was thirteen when I left home.”

 

“Thirteen?” Cerys said, imagining one of her siblings going away to a life of service at that age, “That’s still so young.”

 

“I wasn’t the youngest one there,” Cullen replied, “Besides, how old were you when you were taken to the Circle?”

 

Cerys was silent for a moment.

 

“Seven,” she answered quietly.

 

Cullen nodded solemnly. Cerys thought back to her early days at the Circle, how frightened she had been. She hoped Cullen hadn’t been as scared as she had.

 

Emboldened by her progress thus far, Cerys moved on to one of her more difficult questions.

 

“What do you think of mages?”

 

Cullen seemed to choose his words carefully as he answered.

 

“I’ve seen the suffering magic can inflict. I’ve treated mages with distrust because of it – at times without cause,” Cullen answered, pausing and continuing in a softer tone, “That was unworthy of me. I will try not to do so here.”

 

Cerys felt her blood begin to boil. The rumors she had heard for years about Kirkwall flooded her mind.

 

“Treated mages with distrust?” Cerys repeated, unable to keep the icy edge out of her voice, “Did you distrust them so much that you allowed the templars under your command do whatever they pleased to mages in Kirkwall?”

 

Cullen’s face morphed into shock at her words.

 

“I didn’t- I didn’t _allow_ …” Cullen spluttered before taking a deep breath, “Knight-Commander Meredith knew there were things I would object to. I assume these are the atrocities you’re referring to. She kept them from me, but that’s no excuse. I should have tried harder. It was my responsibility to protect the mages in the Gallows and I failed them.”

 

Several long moments of silence passed between them. Cerys held Cullen’s gaze, searching for any hint of dishonesty, but she saw only remorse. She couldn’t help but admire how he didn’t flinch from her harsh stare. In fact, he seemed adamant to not be the first to back down. In the end, Cerys accepted his admission as truth and looked to the ground.

 

“I’m sorry. I promised to be polite,” Cerys said.

 

“It was a fair question,” Cullen replied easily and Cerys looked back up at him, “You have every right to know who you’re working with. I’d be curious, too, if I were you.”

 

Cerys smiled shyly at him and was pleased when he returned the gesture. After a beat, she spoke again.

 

“I didn’t see you at dinner, Commander. You’re not skipping meals, I hope?”

 

Cullen’s eyes darted away from hers.

 

“I…may have forgotten to eat. It’s been a busy day.”

 

“We could grab something to eat in the tavern now and continue getting to know each other. I’ll stick to lighter topics,” Cerys said.

 

Cullen chuckled. He looked at the abandoned papers on the table for a moment before moving to Cerys’ side.

 

“Very well,” he replied.

 

Cerys and Cullen walked closely together to the tavern. Once or twice, their arms brushed together and Cerys briefly wished they were wearing plain clothes instead of armor. Cerys asked Cullen if he ever had a mabari which made him laugh. Apparently not all Fereldans had mabaris. She filed that information away.

 

As they continued talking, Cerys was surprised to find how easy it was to speak to Cullen. Now that she had gotten over most of her initial fear of him, she found they got along quite well. They had similar senses of humor and she enjoyed making him laugh.

 

After they finished eating, Cullen walked with Cerys to her cabin. She felt a little ridiculous having a cabin all to herself when so many in Haven were sleeping in tents, but Josephine wouldn’t hear of her sharing with anyone.

 

“Cassandra told me she has you in hand-to-hand combat training,” Cullen said as they approached her front door.

 

“I was really looking forward to it, until the first time I failed to block one of her hits. I still have the bruise.”

 

Cullen chuckled.

 

“Hopefully you never need to use it, but it’s better to know how to fight without a weapon or your magic, just in case.”

 

Several violent, unpleasant memories of attempting to fight templars without a weapon or magic threatened to overwhelm her. Cerys blinked several times to ground herself in the present. She realized Cullen was looking at her uncertainly. His arm moved slightly towards her as if he wanted to reach out and touch her.

 

“I…forgive me, if I said something to upset you.”

 

“No,” she reassured him, “You’re fine. I just…I’ve found myself in a few situations where hand-to-hand combat training would have come in handy. I’m glad to be learning it now.”

 

Cullen relaxed and Cerys was thankful when he didn’t press the issue.

 

“I should probably get to bed. I hope you’re not staying up too late?” Cerys inquired.

 

“It seems the Inquisition is made up of endless paperwork. I need to do a little more before I go to bed myself.”

 

Cerys made a thoughtful noise.

 

“I had fun talking to you. We should do this again some time, getting to know each other,” she said.

 

She couldn’t be sure in the dark, but Cerys thought she saw a light flush come to Cullen’s cheeks.

 

“I-I would like that.”

 

Cerys smiled at him as she moved to her door.

 

“Goodnight, Commander.”

 

“Goodnight, Trevelyan.”


End file.
